"He showed me something small, no bigger than a hazelnut,...
I thought: What can this be? I was amazed that it could last,...I thought because of its littleness, it would suddenly have fallen into nothing. ,...
It lasts and always will, because God loves it; and thus everything has being through the love of God."
Julian of Norwich
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Woke up this morning with a weight on my mind, and in my stomach.
It was the heaviness of worries for folk I love,
and knowing I've done the very little I can do to help,
which hardly made a mark on the whole situation.
Sometimes it's as if before I can even engage a waking thought
anxiety has knotted my stomach and I feel heavy to the depth of myself.
This morning before I know it I'm spilling this stuff out
to pollute hubby's waking moments as well.
I'm on a roll now,
so I am seeing not only the problem as it is,
but how it will grow;
it's effects for the future.
Cacthing myself in this worry fest which has now
reached crystal ball-reading proportions
I reach for morning prayer.
I re-direct my gaze.
The text contains the words:
" I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord, My lips shall proclaim your faithfulness."
All too often I forget to recount the immensity of the good life holds,
so I re-wind to regain all that is good in this morning.
From the comfort and safety of our home,
to those other things which I have somehow lost sight of in those waking moments,
there is so much to remark upon;
(literally to note and bring back to my view).
Hubby is doing well,
and it being the tenth day after his operation, has had his clips out yesterday.
(This is when the application of a heavy mallet to the cranium might become necessary
because he is feeling bored and looking for
"something to do").
I have had increased strength and energy,
and have accomplished lots in the last week which I would have thought beyond me.
That crystal ball can get things so wrong you know!
These are the" biggies" that come to mind first, but they are only part of the daily goodies that are the warp and weft of our lives.
I turn the eyes of my heart to the One who has woven our lives
with threads of richness and plenty
when humanly speaking we might have had no reason to hope,
and given up again and again.
Now I am reminded of His faithfulness.
Now I am ready to pray with faith,
and to believe that the fog of unbelief and doubt that clouded my vision
are as nothing to the love God has for us.
I can even raise my voice, (the voice I could have lost in the last surgery I had, but didn't.),
and sing along with Delirious.
Praying you aren't as suseptible to the"dumps" as I am,
and you can fill your weekend with moments of song,
and store up what will be re-markable in your life too.