| photo:- Times.co.uk|
Friday, 7 June 2013
The Ups and Downs
Been off-line again due to my health being up and down,
and my absurdly disappearing energy levels.
If I had to visualise the way it feels it would be something like
this photograph taken from inside a crevasse.
There are times of strength and energy when I feel great,
then suddenly I fall through the hole into utter weakness and weariness.
My emotions follow the graph.
Up and down I go.
Full of joy
crying with exhaustion.
Sure I've been in similar places before,
brought by different routes.
The heart's anchor appears not to hold.
Discipline which once stilled the soul
becomes a circle of chattering thoughts.
I know the temptation so well.
Do not believe.
There is nothing,
I am not strong
or even faithful
as I twist and turn in the whirlpool of unresolved thought.
The Word comes easily to my memory,
seeming to be neither shield nor sword.
I repeat what I once believed,
and not believing, add
"Help Thou my unbelief"
to the litany.
The prayer of His name sits in every breath,
and still I do not believe.
In the end it is a choice.
I remember how it says He set His face like flint...
Still not believing
I set my face to believe.
The unrelenting thread goes on,
"Worse, I am lying to myself..."
But truly I have been this way before.
As I make the choice
I come home.
The crevasse is still as deep.
I choose again...
"If I go up to heaven you are there,
if I make my bed in Sheol you are there."
P.S. If you can recognise any of this read http://blueeyedennis-siempre.blogspot.co.uk/ new post
Blessing in the Chaos.