Monday,Monday

Well here we are.

Another Monday morning.

Just now Hubby is in the garden and I'm pottering indoors.

We rub together pretty well on our 24 / 7 existence

given we are two very different temperaments and backgrounds,

but even as we come up to our 50th anniversary this year,

inevitably now and then we clash.

Even when we don't actually clash

I am sometimes really disappointed at my pettiness and inherent selfishness.

It was these shortcomings that played on my mind as I was

walking in the park over the weekend.

The damp pathways were glistening silver at my feet

as the winter sun cleaved the clear air.

As ever when a sunlit way opens before me I remembered 
Prov.4:18.

"The path of the righteous"...

Given that the dictionary definition for "righteous" is, -

"Morally upright; without guilt or sin,

In accordance with virtue or morality"

I saw many more pot holes, 

patches of rubble, and grit,

in my inner-heart pathway 
 than the glowing way of 

"rightness/righteousness" of love,

which I long for.

Even as I acknowledged this lack,

other words,( this time from Mal 4:2 ),

swam into my consciousness.

"But for you who revere My name,

the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings;

and you will go forth and skip about like calves from the stall".

 In a flash I saw how

 looking for rightness of being within myself,

 gets me bogged down

in unproductiveof guilt or regret;

whereas once I am aware of my flaws,

  if I own them,

I can turn quickly
to the source of all love and forgiveness,

which I know as God.

Then, rather than hugging to myself the chill

of self loathing and judgement

I can allow myself to be warmed by the embrace of 

the healing and ever ready love

that given time,

will reflect 
the very sun of righteousness in me.

I don't know about you,

but I quite like the thought of skipping like a calf

newly let out into the open too.

I may not have broken out into a skip

as I continued on my walk,

but my heart was singing a better song.

I hope this week's path will shine under,

and before your feet,

with a beautiful rightness.

P.S.  Blogger publisher is acting up today so the only way I can upload this powerful song called 
"Don't Be Afraid of the Light Wihin You" 
is to ask you to click on this link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8It3VIZLnI&feature=player_embedded

In My Small Corner

Whenever I am tired or below par

I am tempted to see my life as of very little significance.

The many beautiful, well-crafted  blogs I discover 

as I sit taking my enforced rests with my laptop,

testify that I do not live in an area of outstanding beauty,

have no great scholarship to draw from,

or varied travels and social whirl to report.

As it is there are many days 

when the  boundaries of my life

  lie no further than front and back doors of our home.

Within these confines

  I find such wealth I

 I sometimes feel guilty 

that restlessness comes so rarely

given the multitude of things I have never done;

never seen.

My ego whispers that my life,

(so small),

is wasted, 

with it's hours, days, weeks, months,

in quiet rooms.

I cannot even justify these hours as being 

as prayer-filled and faithful as I would like,

but only as open as I can keep them

to the other,

rather than to the self.  

It is the only path I know,

so Rilke's words come like balm.

 "What should I say about your tendency to doubt your struggle

or to harmonize your inner and outer life?

My wish is ever strong that you find enough patience within you

and enough simplicity to have faith.

May you gain more and more trust in what is challenging,

and confidence in the solitude you bear.

Let life happen to you.

Believe me: life is in the right in any case." 

(Rainer Maria Rilke) Letters to a Young Poet

Be Blessed

A Weekend Break -(for the week?)

A dull day, damp day, with a rough wind tousling the trees.

Not much doing really.

Can' t drive for a few weeks yet,

and waiting for the bus doesn't appeal in this weather.

So here I am at leisure again,

(rather tired after pushing the post-op. boundaries if truth be told.)

Time to take time then, if I will but learn. 

As if to give me lessons

in letting things take their course,

this streptocarpus leaf, which has been sitting, apparently just idling it's time away 

since I put it in a pot months ago,

has  produced 

these baby leaves.

I guess a weekend can get full of pressure

because of the expectations we have

of how much we can get done in this precious time.

Sometimes we need to take our foot off the gas 

and see what will happen when we let things take their course.

The simple realisation that

we don't have to take it all on our shoulders,

because truly that isn't our job,

can  be the best gift we can give ourselves.

May Your Weekend Be Blessed

Inscape

Don't feel up to visiting 

my beloved park today

so did myself a little sketch of

the winter shapes and colours

I'm missing.

I wonder can you see
the connections between the
two pieces? 

I think trees are planted 
in my 
subconscious. 


God Bless

The Crystal Garden

I am so delighted we at last have the heathly frosts we need for the

good of the ground and plants that I couldn't resist grabbing the camera to capture the frosty corners of the garden which still lingered at 4 o'clock this afternoon.

 As you can see from these few glimpses, 

I have a garden of two halves.

 In some spots the frost remains while in others it is

"a different country"

as my mother used to say.

For the first time ever I have a helebore niger which has survived to bloom a second year!

  It may not look like much yet but I have high hopes.

 As usual hubby's favourite camellias are in rosy fat bud,

 and just look at that delicious little nib of fuschia colour showing in

the winter drab at the end of the orange/red leaf's stem

These un-prepossessing little shoots peeping through the monbretia leaves are the sweet promise of snowdrops in bud,

while this little frosty garden has high-lighted the lichen 

grown atop our solar lights, 

explaining why even after the sunniest winter's day 

they have yielded no light to navigate the garden by.

Finally, wouldn't these crystal edged leaves

make a lovely design for a piece of jewellery?

Or is it only me?

God  Bless

Rooted in Love

 

These Tete a Tete daffs sit in a sunless window

adding their little flickers of sunny colour to the dining room.

My brother and niece brought them on their last visit

to "remind" me that I'm Welsh,

as if I need reminding!

I wonder,

is it possible to ever really forget our roots?

I think one of the loveliest things about getting older

is out-growing the notion that we must somehow

become radically different 

from who we were to start with.

 Our circumstances, 

even our parenting, or lack of parenting,

 may have left a lot to be desired,

but it is a sublime grace to grow in understanding

that even these deep griefs and scars

are not beyond healing,

and that after all 

WE WERE, AND ARE,

LOVABLE. 

Rumi writes:-

You were born with potential

You were born with goodness and trust

You were born with ideals and dreams 

You were born with greatness

You were born with wings

You are not meant for crawling, so don't
You have wings

Learn to use them and fly!

 

What better time than a new(ish) year 

to open ourselves to the tender green shoots

of glorious inner certainty

"... that you, being rooted and grounded in love,

 may be able to comprehend with all the saints

what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 

and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, 

that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God."

Eph 3:17 

Be Blessed

Into the Light

I have been home from hospital for a week and a day,

and I am feeling fine

after having some major repairs

and a full hysterectomy.

There I've said it!

named what used to be the unmentionable

"women's troubles".

Today the morning is beautifully sunny

after the first frost following the warm winter weather,

and so well am I

that I ventured a walk on my own

to skirt the top of the park.

My mind reached ahead of me

to past the walled garden

and the path with the view over the village,

but my body whispered a warning

that I would have to walk the same distance back

so I obediently turned onto a path

which brought me home. 

 Sitting sipping my tea 

I look over at the pinks 

my younger granddaughter Rachel bought me,

and rejoice in

the contrast of 
soft magenta

against the aqua walls.

So many contrasts in life.

This operation and recovery

so different
from the experience

last May.

Then, 

there was my difficulty with the anaesthetic,

and problems in the recovery room.

This time, the spinal block with no difficulties,

and news of a new general anaesthetic

which should be safe for the future.

Then, months of weakness and incapacity,

now, feeling unbelievably strong and well.

Shadow and light.
Light and shadow

My present recovery and feelings of well being

seem like a sunburst in my spirit

after the fear that I might again
have months of the "non-being" I had previously,

and the anxiety this caused hubby.
But...

And without the strength that grows
as we wait in the dark,

would we be illumined or transformed

by the light?

 Both light and shadow 

are the dance of Love. 

(Rumi )

God Bless

Thoughts for 2012 - or Any Other Year

We may not know what 2012 holds for us,

but this peom by St. Teresa of Avila encourages us to hope

and set our hearts at ease. 

              Nada de turbe

           Nada te espante

            Todo se pasa

           Dios no se muda

               La Paciencia todo lo alcanza

            Quien a Dios tiene

          Nada le falta

           Solo Dios basta

            May nothing disturb you

             May nothing astonish you 

           Everything passes

           God does not go away

            Patience can attain anything

             He who has God within

             Does not lack anything

            God is everything

 It is especially lovely when set to this haunting Taize chant.
  

Be back after I leave hospital.


God Bless