After far too many weeks away from my walk in the park
I got there in the rain on Sunday.
Under the dark canopy of trees I was drawn to
the pure ebullience of the Queen Anne's Lace effervescing out of the gloom.
Oceans of refreshing purity emerging from among the dark roots.
It spoke volumes to me, as nature often does,
but more so, given the last few weeks
when all my batteries crashed at the same time.
everything went flat.
Well of course it did
because we are a whole entity.
If we drive ourselves too hard in any direction
we feel that depletion in all other areas to one degree or another.
Our lives simply get out of balance.
(If you follow this blog at all you will know I've said this before in some way or another.
No apology about that .
We need to hear it.)
The good news is that this hiatus can, and will,
move us forward as nothing else can.
My life has so often followed this pattern of limping, and then leaping.
You may understand something of this in your own life.
Things conspire to bring us, limping to a halt.
We find we have to pay ourselves some attention.
We learn to trust that nothing happens by chance and that
even what seems so cruel, painful, and frightening at the time,
is part of the design to bring us to a greater wholeness;
especially so, if we are ready to learn why we have been brought to to this moment.
Each one of us has a re- ocurring pattern to our lives.
It is the thing which causes us to say
" How come this is happening to me again?"
You will have your own personal spanner in the works.
If, for any reason, we fail to grasp each lesson as we are presented with the opportunity,
then the pattern continues until you begin to
hear the deeper wisdom in your life which is there to guide you.
You can cooperate in moving towards that leap forward once you recognise the pattern.
It is a good thing to find
a wise, loving, and faithful, friend,
a spiritual mentor, counselor or therapist, to help you find your way
and support you at such a time.
Failing this, trust the Holy Spirit to lead you as you yearn for light.
Ask that the ears of your heart be opened to the messages that will come.
Dreams, unlikely "coincidences",
stuff that suddenly speak into your situation out of left field.
The more you listen, the more adept you will become in finding the guidance you seek.
In everything, despite what you are being led to believe,
(and this is especially difficult, but crucial, if your problems are with relationships),
turn consistently towards the source which most leads you to a healthy love of yourself.
Turn away from all that accuses, encourages guilt, or brings you down;
perhaps particularly your own inner critic.
Never be hard on yourself.
To illustrate, briefly, from my latest situation,
physically I needed let go of an exciting (once in a life time), project,
with a group working with a director from the Royal Shakespeare Company,
which I'd invested a lot in, but was proving just too taxing.
Then I needed to follow through on a problem I had been putting up with,
to discover I needed a course of antibiotics.
(Yes, I am that daft!
But does this ring any bells with you?)
I have given myself permission
to really rest and recover my depleted strength
rather than keep limping on and forcing myself to do it,
so I have let go of preaching for a while.
Also being in the worship team.
The team project, the preaching, worship group, had a three pronged hold.
I love each one of them.
I hate letting people down,
and, the deepest hold,
they are each a way of connecting and communicating with others,
which I badly need.
I wanted to keep going, but deep down knew I need to let go,
at least for now.
As soon as I did let them go,
I felt an almighty relief, and lightness.
Not being a masochist, I have kept my fortnightly choir,
which is pure joy,
and anyway ends for the summer break later this month.
Emotionally, my weariness pointed me to a breakthrough
in integrating deep childhood wounds.
A weight I have carried all my life has been lifted.
What I am saying is,
unlikely as it seems this is a time of leaping!
If you limping along in any measure,
take heart and believe you too are made to leap.
Look back if you can,
discern a pattern in your own life a when a crisis has,
in reality turned into a blessing.
For instance can you remember a change for the good
you would never have made had you been left with a choice?
To thoroughly mix my metaphors,
the beautiful healing light of the God who loves you
is waiting in the dark place to break forth into
And maybe when you least expect it.
limping or leaping,
as you follow your path.