Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Advent Waiting

If you are wondering where I am in these days leading up to Christmas...

I've not been madly decorating,
or Christmas shopping,
though I will have to engage with all that soon.

As it is the days
have been full of lots of comings and goings.

Family birthdays.
Hospital appointments.
Day to day necessities to be seen to.

There have been,
and are,
at this moment
griefs to come to grips with,
difficulties to be faced and overcome, 
and I am wearied
and wanting to opt out.

 If I knew what I could opt out of 
and where to "op" to
I would.

My thoughts twist and turn, 
 my strength ebbs...

An unreasonable quietness rises
to hold me firmer 
than my doubts and unbelief
before the next battle.
It is not I who hold on.
I am held despite myself.

I am
just keeping as quiet as I can,
and waiting,
just waiting,
for the holy,
and the deep:
that moment
when Christmas really comes,
though I live in the truth of it while I wait.


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