"He showed me something small, no bigger than a hazelnut,...
I thought: What can this be? I was amazed that it could last,...I thought because of its littleness, it would suddenly have fallen into nothing. ,...
It lasts and always will, because God loves it; and thus everything has being through the love of God."
Julian of Norwich
Monday, 22 August 2011
I took this photo some weeks ago after a rain storm.
It was one of those days when sunshine lit
the raindrops to diamond brilliance
as they sat there all fat and full.
This morning there had been no rain.
What moisture there was seemed to be the remains
of the cool night dew.
Still, as I ate my morning toast on my favourite bench at the top of the garden I came face to face with the abundant leaves of some nasturtums which are flinging themselves in all directions
over the edge of a large tub,
and saw there were
some shy droplets left on the leaves.
Quite hard to spot compared to their flamboyant friends aren't they?
Still as the saying goes
Small is Beautiful
The question is
do I really believe that?
In these days when my life is cut back by physical weakness to that smaller space that I should have become used to by now,
why am I so easily discouraged,
I, who can remember praying some fity years ago,
for just enough strength to get out of hospital,
keep house, and care for my child,
and my husband am now
a grandmother, and great grandmother,
Not that there's anything wrong with wanting more health and strength
It's the smack of ingratitude that makes me uncomfortable.
The hiddeness of my small life often chafes though,
even while I know it's value.
Isn't it our hidden self that's the true self after all?
"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open." Luke8:17
But oh, it is sometimes so hard to settle for
the hidden place
when I know there is so much I might contribute,
so much I could enjoy,
in that wider world,
at the centre of things.
I do not of course mention how much I might be appreciated as well.
A faint echo that has been playing in my mind comes to the fore.
“Be faithful in small things
because it is in them
that your strength lies.”
I trace my disatisfaction back
to the weather forecast that told us
today would be the best day of the week,
and that after today
rain was sweeping in.
The fact is haven't the stamina to go out and
"make the most of the day", .
and my own disatisfaction is stopping me
making the most of it right where I am.
Yes, I'm a slow learner alright.
I get up and make my way through my sunlit garden
to the washing machine that chimes it's need to be emptied.
I have the liberty to do it at my own pace.
There is no rush.
No demand on me greater than I choose to make for myself.